she woke up with a sticky ear
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
