fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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