I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
