Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
