Can Purell be used as lube?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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