you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
