Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
