I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
