Sry I called you an 8
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
