i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
