Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He shit in the fireplace
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
