THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
