I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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