I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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