I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
