he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
