i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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