after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
