I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
