i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
