She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
