He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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