She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
