Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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