omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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