you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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