soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
