Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
