Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
