I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
