As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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