I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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