Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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