I need help removing her.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
