He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
