i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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