haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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