Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
