he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
