Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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