i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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