he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
