Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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