I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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