what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
