I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
