My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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