I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
