4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
