You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
