So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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