It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
