Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
