I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Randomize
