Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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