he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
