I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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