Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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